I negotiate, he negotiates, she negotiates…

Negotiating. Sticking to one’s guns. Convincing. Persuading. Finding common ground… These expressions spark interest in some people but are frightening to others. As in all aspects of life, negotiating is one of those personal interests that, by their very nature, differ from one person to the next. Some live to haggle, trying to negotiate every aspect of their lives, while others tend to run away from this type of situation or are reluctant to deal with it.
Many studies have looked at the influence of individual differences on negotiating behaviour. One of the most commonly studied personal differences regarding negotiations continues to be the difference between the sexes. The fact is, we tend to perceive men as better negotiators than women, whether because of stereotypes deeply rooted in our culture and promoted in film, or as a result of personal experience.
This article presents the results of research on gender differences relating to various aspects of the negotiating process (starting point, compromise and importance of the relationship), examines them in the light of stereotype threat, addresses salary negotiations and, lastly, introduces some of the solutions suggested in the literature for reducing these differences.
The results presented here represent general differences, so keep in mind that there will always be some people of either gender who do not behave as described here.
Starting point
A number of authors have studied negotiating processes and have found that women tend to ask for less than men. This might be explained by a lack of self-confidence or, on the contrary, a desire to preserve the relationship. Conversely, men generally begin with a higher starting point, asking for exactly what they want, or even more.
To compensate for this situation, women should think more about what they want from the negotiations before they begin. That way they will be able to position themselves throughout the process in relation to their starting desires, curbing their tendency to compromise and yield too much ground to the other party.
Compromise and importance of the relationship
In negotiations, women tend to be more even-handed and more sensitive to the context than men, particularly where long-term relationships are involved. As a result, they will work harder to find a compromise or solution that will satisfy each party at least somewhat. For the most part, women want everyone to get at least some of what they want in a negotiating process, driving them to seek out compromises.
Women also want to maintain a good rapport with their negotiation counterpart and tend not to see the other party as an adversary. They will avoid deception because they place a great deal of importance on relationships and do not want to damage them irreparably. Men, however, tend to be more concerned with their own immediate interests and what they will get out of the negotiation, with no absolute commitment to a long-term relationship.
Stereotype threat
Beyond behavioural differences between men and women, one aspect plays a key role in negotiation behaviour: stereotype threat. The main purpose of stereotypes is for us to set expectations for the people with whom we interact. However, these expectations can have a negative impact on how we look at people and the way they should act. This phenomenon is called “stereotype threat.”
One very strong stereotype attached to women is that of the mother who takes care of her children and, by extension, others. This stereotype threat affects our perception of women, particularly at the negotiation table, since a woman negotiating for herself is seen in a negative light. We expect women to pay attention to the well-being of those around them and, as a result, to take others’ interests into consideration instead of their own. When women do not match up to these expectations, society lets them know (they are labeled as social climbers, ruthless, etc.) to keep them from acting that way in the future.
At the end of the day, not only do women tend to pay more attention to the interests of others in negotiations, but when they do negotiate for their own interests, the feedback they receive from their inner circle dissuades them from repeating the performance. And so stereotype threat stifles behaviour that could be beneficial to women in a negotiating context.
However, in situations where women need to negotiate for others, they achieve better results because their behaviour is aligned with predispositions and stereotypes. The only things that would hinder them in this type of process would be their personalities, preferences and other individual parameters.
As many gender-based stereotypes come into play during negotiations, the behaviour of male and female negotiators is affected by stereotype threat. Take competitiveness, for example. In a competitive negotiation, men are more confident of their negotiating skills and are more successful than women because competition is a behaviour that is typically stereotyped as masculine. A man who does not put up a fight in this type of situation would be judged negatively by those around him, challenging him to go the extra mile.

Salary negotiations

Salary negotiations have a tremendous impact on the pay received for a given position. Here, we are not referring to an employee’s annual renegotiation of pay, but only to the starting salary received on entering the job market. Let’s look at an example from Babcock’s and Laschever’s book Women Don’t Ask, in which two 22-year-olds get their first job offers. Person A negotiates a starting salary of $30,000 per year, while Person B does not negotiate and accepts the stated salary of $25,000. Assuming a yearly 3% raise, by age 65 the difference between the two salaries will be $18,000 per year! And if Person A had put away the difference in an interest-bearing account every year, the total balance of that account would be $785,000!
This gap clearly illustrates the importance of negotiating one’s starting salary. But studies have shown that even when women do negotiate their pay, they ask for less than men. A number of explanations could be offered for this: misjudging the correct salary for a position, lack of self-confidence, not daring to ask, fear of seeming presumptuous, fear of negotiating, and so on. To be sure the salary you are asking is in line with the position, one golden rule is applicable: know your own value and prove it during negotiations to reach a higher level of pay than the others.  Don’t worry, you will not be judged harshly if you ask for a salary slightly higher than the average. On the contrary, the other person will be intrigued and will want to know if you are really worth the money. Take advantage of that!
In light of the gender-based differences in negotiating behaviour noted above, it seems that a partial explanation for the wage gap between men and women could be women’s reluctance to negotiate.
Solutions?
Several studies have attempted to find ways of reducing gender-based differences during negotiations. They pointed out that self-management training allows women to obtain pay equivalent to that of men because this training gives them a greater sense of control over the results of the negotiation, thereby offsetting stereotype threat. This training also teaches them to better assess their needs, ensure a good starting point for the negotiations and attempt to get as much as possible out of the process.
Women also need to understand that negotiations in the business world are important for improving their professional situation. Here are some suggestions: prepare well (understand your priorities and their importance), gather information on the negotiables, understand the negotiating process (yours and the other person’s behaviour) in order to master it (prepare answers in advance, engage in role-playing, etc.). And, above all, be sure not to place too much importance on the relationship with your counterpart in the negotiations, especially if that relationship is unlikely to be long-term.
Sophie Nidegger, MSc(c)
Bibliography
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